Advice for a Broken Heart

What does a broken heart mean? Its not that your heart is actually broken. A broken heart normally refers to a situation you find your self in which has some emotional significance. Of course anyone with a broken heart does not need a definition. Broken hearts while normally not life threatening( If it is life threatening, then please talk to a counselor about this issue) can really hurt. Broken hearts can be caused by losing a loved one to death or a relationship breakup. Its really hard to give advice for a broken heart since each situation is different. You can try to make up with the significant other of the relationship breakup. Or you can start to work to put your heart back together. Mending a broken heart takes time and is not always easy, but as anyone who gives good advice for a broken heart will tell you, all things get better with time.

Broken Heart

A broken heart (or heartbreak) is a common metaphor used to describe the intense emotional pain or suffering one feels after losing a loved one, through death, divorce, moving, being dumped, or other means. It is an extremely old and widespread metaphor that dates back to at least the time of the Ramayana where it was commonly used.

Heartbreak is usually associated with losing a spouse or loved one, though losing a parent, child, pet, or close friend can also "break one’s heart". The phrase refers to the physical pain one may feel in the chest as a result of the loss. Although the heart obviously is not harmed by the feeling, there is a condition (appropriately known as Broken Heart Syndrome) where a traumatizing incident triggers the brain to distribute chemicals that weaken heart tissue.".

Philosophical views
For many people having a broken heart is something that may not be recognized at first, as it takes time for an emotional or physical loss to be fully acknowledged. As Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson states:

Human beings are not always aware of what they are feeling. Like animals, they may not be able to put their feelings into words. This does not mean they have no feelings. Sigmund Freud once speculated that a man could be in love with a woman for six years and not know it until many years later. Such a man, with all the goodwill in the world, could not have verbalized what he did not know. He had the feelings, but he did not know about them. It may sound like a paradox — paradoxical because when we think of a feeling, we think of something that we are consciously aware of feeling. As Freud put it in his 1915 article The Unconscious: "It is surely of the essence of an emotion that we should be aware of it.’ Yet it is beyond question that we can ‘have’ feelings that we do not know about."

In classical references
This biblical reference highlights the issues of pain surrounding a broken heart:
Psalm 69:20 Insults have broken my heart and left me weak, I looked for sympathy but there was none; I found no one to comfort me.
In this Psalm, King David says that insults that have broken his heart, not loss or pain. It is also popular belief that rejection, major or minor, can break an individual’s heart. This heartbreak can be greatly increased if rejected by a loved one or someone whom you respect.

In Shakespeare’s King Lear Lear dies of a broken heart, amongst other causes, in Act 5 Scene 3:
EDGAR : He faints! My Lord, My Lord!
KENT: Break heart; I prithee, break!
In many legends and fictional tales, characters die after suffering a devastating loss (see above – King Lear). But even in reality people die from what appears to be a broken heart. Broken heart syndrome is commonly blamed for the death of a person whose spouse is already deceased, but the cause is not always so clear-cut. The condition can be triggered by sudden emotional stress caused by a traumatic breakup, the death of a loved one, or even the shock of a surprise party.[3] Broken Heart syndrome is clinically different from a heart attack because the patients have few risk factors for heart disease and were previously healthy prior to the heart muscles weakening. The recovery rates for those suffering from "broken heart syndrome" are faster than those who had heart attacks and complete recovery to the heart was achieved within two weeks.

Symptoms
The symptoms of a "broken heart" can manifest themselves through psychological pain but for many the effect is physical. Although the experience is regarded commonly as indescribable, the following is a list of common symptoms that occur:

• A perceived tightness of the chest, similar to an anxiety attack
• Stomach ache and/or loss of appetite
• Partial or complete insomnia
• Anger
• Shock
• Nostalgia
• Apathy (loss of interest)
• Feelings of loneliness
• Feelings of hopelessness and despair
• Loss of self-respect and/or self-esteem
• Medical or psychological illness (for example depression)
• Suicidal thoughts (in extreme cases)
• Nausea
• Denial
• Fatigue
• The thousand-yard stare
• Constant or frequent crying
• A feeling of complete emptiness

Welcome back!

Sixteen Things to do after a Relationship Breakup

I’m starting to soften up this blog and one of the topics I’m going to cover is relationship breakups. Breaking up is tough as I’ve found out during times in my life and I had always wished for a resource. A place where I could find others and hear about how they handled those nasty breakups. Whether you are experiencing a boyfriend breakup or a girlfriend breakup its still hard.

1. 1. Examine what happened, and ask yourself why. You have to make it clear to yourself that this may not be entirely your fault – or not your fault at all. Really thinking about the reasons it ended can make it clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but one discordant person is enough to end it. It may also help you avoid missteps in the future if you can identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship.
   2. Don’t rethink your decision. If the breakup was your decision, bear in mind that thinking about all the good times you had may cause you to forget the reason for why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second guess if the decision to end things was not yours. It’s very common to overly romanticize the good parts of a relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts weren’t so bad after all, maybe you could live with them. Or that maybe if your ex could know just how you feel, s/he wouldn’t want to break up after all. Don’t play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and move on.
   3. Keep your distance. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, take a complete break from each other immediately after the breakup. That means no seeing each other, no phone calls, no e-mails, no Instant Messaging, and most importantly, no sex – not necessarily as a permanent measure (except where sex is concerned), but until you feel that you can converse with him/her like a normal person, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive). Also, if he tries to ask you to see him, make sure you question yourself of what good can come out of it. You don’t want to relive the past by seeing him otherwise you’ll get caught up by that moment and it will be hard to let go again.
   4. Accept your pain. Have your good long cries if you feel like it. It’s okay to be hurt, feel alone, and feel like you have messed up. Accepting responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy, but you must also accept that you are a good person, and this is not all one-sided. Of course, a stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to begin to move on.
   5. Think through everything thoroughly, but not obsessively. Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. Even if it seems there wasn’t a good reason, there certainly was one – and probably more than one. Understand that you enjoyed one another for a while, but even though everything seemed okay to you, if the relationship was not what your partner wanted for life, it would have ended eventually, no matter what. In this case, better sooner than later.
   6. Deal with the hate phase. This is where you want to just scream because you are so angry, even furious. The amount of anger you feel all depends on how bad the split was, how it occurred (was there infidelity? That makes it worse), and how long it took to make the final break. There may be feelings of resentment at your ex for wasting your time. You may realize the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel like you hate yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It’s a waste of time to be hating and ripping yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change.
   7. Talk to your friends. They are always a source of advice and help. If you are close with any family members, they may be a good source of advice/guidance. You want people around you that love you and who will help you see that you should love yourself too. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, loving friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile, worthy person again, and you’ll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net.
   8. Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or write poems. Most of all, be absolutely honest and don’t edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring out your thoughts onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to “get” valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you’ve been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean it wasn’t a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you’re meant to be. Allow at least the learning part to enrich your life.
   9. Clean up! A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The added bonus is that keeping busy with tidying your space doesn’t require a lot of brain power, but does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain. Occupying yourself with these tasks designed to make your life better and easier will also occupy your mind enough to help you through the residual pain.
   10. Keep fond memories, discard painful ones. Sometimes there are things that remind us of another person. Say, you hear a song or see a picture that reminds you of your ex, you probably get all sad and worked up. Well, instead of feeling that way, turn the station and move on – don’t dwell on the pain. But if you have a keepsake, such as a watch or a pin that was given to you by your ex, and it makes you feel good to wear it and remember the good parts of your relationship, by all means, do so.
   11. Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking up that class you’ve always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that a relationship is one part of life, but even when you are in one, there are personal pleasures that you can always enjoy on your own. Indulge in those things now. As they say, the best revenge is living well.
   12. Stay active. It’s scientifically confirmed that exercise improves your mood, and the distraction will help keep your mind off the situation. Go running outside, maybe with a friend, and think of releasing the anger or sadness with every step.
   13. Let go. See that there is no sense in still being heartbroken, regretful, and harboring hatred toward that person. Realize that although your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways, you can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn’t work out this time, there will be a next time.
   14. Take Time. Find a place where you feel comfortable, relaxed, and which is far away from your ex. Take a moment to listen, and to be alone or with someone you trust. Remind yourself that the only thing worse than the pain of a breakup is continuing a relationship that was not right for one or both of you.
   15. Think positively. Now that you are single, you get to find someone else to go out with,find someone new, and different. This doesn’t have to be so bad. Change your behaviors; that will help change your thinking. Of course, don’t forget about respecting other peoples’ thoughts and feelings while feeling released and free, and always remember to be true to yourself

Relationship Breakups

Seems like every where you turn someone is breaking up. This is always hard, even if you hate the person you had a relationship with then a breakup is still hard. Whether this is a boyfriend breakup or a girlfriend breakup its still hard on both parties. It is especially difficult if the person you are breaking up with has been part of your life for a while. Just like the song "Breaking Up is Hard to Do", relationship breakups are tough. Some people will give you breakup advice, but most people just want the pain to end and if you are the one who got dumped, then its even harder. Relationship breakups are one of the most stressful things a person can go through. I saw this book they other day on Making Up that looked really interesting and seemed to have some great advice for making up with the person who you had a relationship breakup with.

Relationship Breakups

A relationship breakup (or otherwise simply known as a breakup) refers to the ending of a relationship, typically a romantic one. A breakup can vary from casual to emotionally traumatic.

Breakups can occur for innumerable reasons, including conflicts in personality, lifestyle changes, breaches in spoken or unspoken codes of conduct, or attraction to a different person. A breakup that is decided upon by only one person is commonly referred to as dumping.

In psychology, there are several models that attempt to explain the trajectory of the breakup or dissolution of a relationship.

One such theory for dissolution can include Lee’s (1970). According to this theory, there are five reasons why, over time, a relationship "breaks down":

1. Dissatisfaction — partner/s become dissatisfied.
2. Exposure — the problem/s becomes apparent to both parties.
3. Negotiation — a solution is negotiated.
4. Attempted resolution — solution is applied.
5. Termination — if the solution does not work/there are no other solutions.